Blog : Relationships

You may have seen my post last month about the 25 questions to discuss with your partner before getting married, but maybe you aren’t near the marriage station. Maybe you’re just thinking about moving in together (or already did). Although moving in doesn’t hold the same life-long commitment as marriage, there are still some questions you need to discuss with your partner about your new living situation.

I’ll warn you now: these questions aren’t particularly fun to talk about. But if you’re going to take the leap into cohabitation, you should be responsible about it. I know it’s hard to hear, but there is a chance the relationship won’t work out. You owe it to yourself to know what you’re getting into, more importantly, to make sure you’re protected.

Let these questions simply be a prompt. Feel free to go off topic and down any tangents that come up. The more you can openly communicate with one another, the better. Get everything out now so when you cross the threshold, it’s with open eyes and no doubts.

Grab your favorite potent potable and get to talking.

15 Questions to Discuss With Your Partner Before Living Together

1. Where will you live together? In the current resident of one partner? Or will you get a new place together?
2. Whose name will be on the lease or title? If only one person’s name is on the title, how, if at all, will the other earn equity?
3. How will you pay for rent or the mortgage? Equally? Will you open a joint account to pay bills or pay out of your separate accounts? Or will the person whose name is on the lease or title pay the cost entirely?
4. What will be your monthly expenses? How will you pay for them? Entirely together? Separately? Who will be in charge of paying the bills?
5. What is your current debt situation? How much of your currently monthly income is used to pay down your debts? When do you expect to have your debt paid off? Do you plan on incurring any debt together?
6. What household items, if any, do you need to purchase? How will you pay for those? Together or separately?
7. What is your process for doing chores? Do you take the trash out every night or wait until it’s full? How often do you clean? Do you have a schedule or do you wait to pick-up when guests are coming over? Who will be responsible for completing chores? Will you do it together or take turns?
8. What does your bathroom look like right now? How does your partner feel about that?
9. How will you handle meal planning? Who will do the grocery shopping? Who will cook? Who will clean-up afterward?
10. How do you feel about having guests over? Is there a day or time that’s off limits? Do you have a weekly social ritual you just won’t break? Are you ok with unannounced visitors?
11. If you and your partner are of different religious or spiritual beliefs, how do you feel about religious symbols being displayed in the home?
12. What if one partner falls on difficult times and is unable to make a financial contribution to the monthly bills? Will the other partner help out? Will the help be considered a loan or a gift?
13. If the relationship ends, will one person stay in the residence? How long will the other have to move out? Or will both of you move out and either break the lease or sell the home? How will you split the items purchased together for the home?
14. If you decide to get a pet together, how will you handle possession of the pet if the relationship ends? Will one person have exclusive possession or will you split it? How will you handle vet bills and pet care costs?
15. What if one of you dies? Would the other partner be able to carry the monthly expenses until he or she can change living situations?

Depending on the answers to these questions, there are situations that could leave one partner in a more advantageous position over the other. Luckily there is an easy way to protect both partners should things not go as planned. You can agree to and sign a cohabitation agreement, which would cover things like how money, property, and debt will be handled, both during and after the relationship. It’s best not to leave any of these questions unanswered. Instead, come to an agreement and put it down on paper.

If you’d like to discuss how to protect yourself when living with someone else, schedule a free consultation today. I’m happy to talk about your rights and how best to protect yourself.

Already moved in? These questions are still important to discuss, so don’t use the timeframe as an excuse. You also can – and should – still protect yourself with a cohabitation agreement. Don’t put it off otherwise it will become too late. Schedule your consultation today.

You can also learn more about why cohabitation agreements are so important for couples living together who aren’t married.

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This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems.

Lauren Lester is an affordable family law, estate planning, and probate lawyer licensed in Colorado.

Getting married is cheap. Really. Although most people have a costly ceremony and reception with family and friends, in reality, it costs $35 to get married in Denver. All you really need to pay for is the marriage license itself.

Getting divorced on the other hand – not so cheap.

Why is divorce so expensive? The simple truth is that divorces are expensive because the parties can’t agree. They use the divorce process to throw jabs, punches, and anything else they can pick up at each other. They fight over a painting worth less than $50 not because either one really wants it, but because the painting represents what a terrible person their spouse is and how to make his or her life miserable.

Spouses will pay lots of money to keep fighting with each other. I’ve always said the only winners in a divorce are the attorneys. And believe me, there are plenty of attorneys who will not only let the fighting continue but will encourage it – because it means more money for them. I hate that my profession has such a bad rap when it comes to divorce, but, sadly, in many ways, it’s deserved.

So how can you cut down on the cost of getting divorced? Be civil.

Look, I get it – your spouse is a jerk. Your marriage is broken, and you’re hurt and angry. But that doesn’t mean you should keep ripping open the wound and pouring salt in it just to get back at your ex. What’s that really going to achieve? Although painful, a divorce is your opportunity to start over. Focus on the future rather than the past. Work civilly with your spouse to divide the assets fairly and move on. There is no reason to go drag out a divorce for a longer period of time than your relationship actually lasted. (And yes, that actually happens.)

Here are a few things you can do before meeting with an attorney to reduce the time and money you spend getting divorced:

• Discuss and agree with your spouse on how you will divide major assets, like property, vehicles, bank accounts, and any other valuable property.
• Discuss and agree with your spouse if one of you will ask for maintenance and how much that will be.
• If you have children, discuss and agree with your spouse on how you will split parenting time. Consider what the standard schedule will be and how it might change for summers, holidays, and vacations.
• If you have children, discuss and agree with your spouse on how major decisions about the children will be made.
• If you have children, discuss and agree with your spouse if one of you will provide child support. Use the Colorado Child Support Worksheet as a guide.

If you’re looking to get divorced in Colorado, ask yourself what your goal is. If you’re ready to move on and want to end this chapter as painlessly as possible, schedule a free consultation today. I offer affordable, flat-rate fees for divorce so you know exactly what it will cost upfront.

If you’d rather drag your spouse through the mud and take him or her for every penny you can, I’m probably not the right lawyer for you. Luckily, I’m sure you can easily find another lawyer who will help you achieve that goal.

Lastly, if you want to learn more about how to make divorce even cheaper, see why I believe everyone should have a prenup.

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This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems.

Lauren Lester is an affordable family law, estate planning, and probate lawyer licensed in Colorado.

Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you can make in life. It shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s easy, however, to get caught up in the excitement and romance and push the difficult conversations under the rug.

Although it may not be easy, going through the following questions with your soon-to-be spouse is critical before tying the knot. If you can’t discuss these questions with your fiancé, that should be a red flag.

Remember, these questions aren’t meant to cause a divide, but rather to help ensure you both are on the same page. Marriages that end are often because of one or more of these issues: communication, sex, finances, or children. These questions cover all these areas and more.

Let these questions be simply a prompt. Feel free to go off topic and down any tangents that come up. The more you can openly communicate with one another, the better. Get everything out now so when you walk down the isle, it’s with open eyes and no doubts.

You never know, going through these questions may bring you closer and give you the strong reassurance that you are marrying the right person.

So grab some wine, sit down, and start talking.

25 Questions to Discuss with Your Fiancé

1. What percentage of your income do you want to spend on purchasing and maintaining your home each year? Whose name will your home be titled in?
2. What are your monthly expenses and how much do you spend each month on them? Who will be in charge of paying the monthly bills?
3. Will you have a joint bank account? Will you keep a separate bank account even if you have a joint account? How much money will each of you contribute to the joint account?
4. How much debt do you currently owe? To whom? What is your plan for paying it down? Do you expect your spouse to help pay your debt? Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? Would you want to declare bankruptcy if you found yourself in a tough spot?
5. How do feel about credit cards? How do you use them? Do you prefer using a credit card over cash? Do you carry a balance each month or pay it off? How do you feel about opening new accounts?
6. Do you currently have any money saved? How much? What is your current saving plan? How much would you ideally like to have saved as a couple?
7. What do you usually spend your “fun money” on? Do you like to spend your money on items or experiences? How much do you like to spend on vacations?
8. What is the maximum amount one spouse can spend without consulting the other? When consulted, does the other spouse have to agree to the purchase before it can be made?
9. What are your current investment and retirement saving strategies? How, if at all, do you hope to change those strategies in the future? Who will be in charge of investment or retirement savings when you are married?
10. How do you feel about your current employment? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Do you plan on going back to school?
11. How much time will each of you spend working a week? What hours during the day will you typically work? If one of you doesn’t want to work, under what circumstance, if any, would that be ok?
12. What does your ideal sex life look like? How often are you having sex? How will you handle it when your levels of desire are unequal?
13. Will you eat meals together each night? Who is responsible for grocery shopping? Who will prepare the meals? Who will clean up?
14. What place do your relatives, including in-laws, play in your everyday life? How often do you visit or socialize with relatives? Will you ask out-of-town relatives to visit for extended periods? How often?
15. How will you care for your parents as they age? How much money are you willing to spend for the care of your parents?
16. Do you currently accept money from your parents? Are you open to accepting money from your parents in the future?
17. If a family member fell on hard times, would you help out financially? Up to what amount? Would you loan the money or give it as a gift?
18. Do you want children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to you? To what lengths are you willing to go if you have challenges getting pregnant? What other family expansion options are you open to?
19. How will having children change the way you currently live? Will you change your work schedule? Will one of you be more responsible for maintaining the household while the other works?
20. Do you want your children to go to public or private school? Do you plan on paying for your children’s education? If so, for how long?
21. Are you satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends you currently have? Would you like to be more or less socially involved? What are your needs for maintaining friendships outside of your marriage?
22. What are your religious or spiritual beliefs? How important are those beliefs to you? Do you share common beliefs with each other? If not, can you support the other’s beliefs and practices? How will you share your religious or spiritual beliefs with your children? Do you want them raised in a particular religious community?
23. What is your biggest fear about getting married? What is your biggest fear about how the other will act? Do you think each of you is ready for marriage?
24. Is there anything you have been afraid to tell the other? How can he or she make you feel more comfortable so you can share? How do you like to be treated when you are upset or angry? How do you act when you are upset or angry?
25. If one of you feels it’s needed, would you be open to a relationship or financial counseling?

If you’d like to discuss your financial rights as it relates to getting married, including the possibility of a prenuptial agreement, schedule your free consultation today. I’m happy to talk about your rights as an individual and married person. My affordable prenup agreements are flat-fee and will help ensure your assets are protected.

You can also learn more about why I think everyone should have a prenup.

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This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems.

Lauren Lester is an affordable family law, estate planning, and probate lawyer licensed in Colorado.

As with many things in life, timing can be everything. In family law, timing is especially important when it comes to getting divorced and filing for bankruptcy. It’s important to understand how each of these proceedings affects the other.

In Colorado, the District Courts have jurisdiction over dissolution matters while U.S. bankruptcy courts have jurisdiction over bankruptcy proceedings. Although the two courts sometimes have concurrent jurisdiction, in certain circumstances the U.S. Court supersedes the Colorado District Court.

So what does that mean for you? In short, it will be less of a headache to handle the two proceedings at separate times. You can either first complete the divorce and then handle the bankruptcy. Or, you can first complete the bankruptcy and then handle the divorce.

Why not handle them at the same time? Because having both proceedings occur simultaneously will likely delay your divorce for several months and even years – even if you and your spouse have agreed to all the separation terms and all you need is the Court to sign off on the final decree. Because bankruptcy proceedings deal with your assets, the Colorado District Court cannot issue a final divorce decree until it knows how the bankruptcy proceeding will adjudicate those assets. So until the bankruptcy proceeding has been completed, your divorce will be in limbo. And while the bankruptcy is taking months (or years), your divorce will sit and wait.

You’ll also want to keep in mind that regardless of the type of bankruptcy, domestic support obligations cannot be discharged.¹ These obligations include child support and maintenance.²

Given the close relationship between divorce and bankruptcy, it’s best to complete one before the other. Which one to complete first depends on you and your situation. There can be benefits to completing the bankruptcy first depending on your finances. On the other hand, depending on the type of bankruptcy, it may be best to complete the divorce first.

To know which option is best for you, talk to both a bankruptcy attorney and a family law attorney about your options.

1. 11 U.S.C. 523(a)(5)

2. 11 U.S.C. 101(14A)

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This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems.

Lauren Lester is an affordable family law, estate planning, and probate lawyer licensed in Colorado.

More and more couples today are moving in before – or without the intention of – getting married. (My husband and I lived together for 6 years before tying the knot.) While this decision is an important and exciting one, it leaves each party without any protection.

Despite what some may believe, couples living together do not enjoy the same rights and protections as a cohabiting married couple. In fact, Courts do not recognize in any meaningfully way the couple’s relationship, regardless of how long the two have been together.

When two people move in together, they often begin buying things together like furniture, electronics, and other household goods. Sometimes, one partner moves into the residence of the other. The two may split rent, utilities, and other expenses. Everything is great and there is no conflict – until something happens.

While I hope all relationships last forever, I am realistic. Some won’t, and its important that the parties protect themselves from the beginning. What will happen to all the items purchased together? How will they be divided? If one party moved into the other’s residence, how long does that party have to move out? If the couple moved into a new residence, who will be the one to move out? What if the other party can’t afford to live in the residence by themselves? Who will take the burden of breaking the lease or selling the home?

A break-up is not the only situation that bubbles these questions to the surface. What if one party gets in a serious accident and isn’t able to work? Or loses his or her job? Is the other party going to be responsible for picking up the slack? What if one party passes unexpectedly? The heirs or beneficiaries may be entitled to the deceased party’s possessions, rather than the other person in the couple.

The good news is while unmarried cohabiting couples do not have protections automatically like married couples do, they are able to create protections through a cohabitation agreement. All the questions above as well as many others that apply to an individual situation can be addressed, planned for, and agreed to in this document.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – how depressing, right? You’re moving in with your partner; it’s supposed to be exciting! And, you’re absolutely right: it is exciting. And the moment should be wholly enjoyed.

That excitement does not mean there’s no room for practicality, though. If you’re together forever, wonderful! The cohabitation agreement won’t be used. If things don’t go as planned, however, you’ll have a tool to help make the separation process easier.

Breaking up is hard enough; you don’t want to be fighting over a coffee maker.

To get your affordable cohabitation agreement drafted, schedule your free consultation today.

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This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems.

Lauren Lester is an affordable family law, estate planning, and probate lawyer licensed in Colorado.