Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you can make in life. It shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s easy, however, to get caught up in the excitement and romance and push the difficult conversations under the rug.
Although it may not be easy, going through the following questions with your soon-to-be spouse is critical before tying the knot. If you can’t discuss these questions with your fiancé, that should be a red flag.
Remember, these questions aren’t meant to cause a divide, but rather to help ensure you both are on the same page. Marriages that end are often because of one or more of these issues: communication, sex, finances, or children. These questions cover all these areas and more.
Let these questions be simply a prompt. Feel free to go off topic and down any tangents that come up. The more you can openly communicate with one another, the better. Get everything out now so when you walk down the isle, it’s with open eyes and no doubts.
You never know, going through these questions may bring you closer and give you the strong reassurance that you are marrying the right person.
So grab some wine, sit down, and start talking.
25 Questions to Discuss with Your Fiancé
- What percentage of your income do you want to spend on purchasing and maintaining your home each year? Whose name will your home be titled in?
- What are your monthly expenses and how much do you spend each month on them? Who will be in charge of paying the monthly bills?
- Will you have a joint bank account? Will you keep a separate bank account even if you have a joint account? How much money will each of you contribute to the joint account?
- How much debt do you currently owe? To whom? What is your plan for paying it down? Do you expect your spouse to help pay your debt? Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? Would you want to declare bankruptcy if you found yourself in a tough spot?
- How do feel about credit cards? How do you use them? Do you prefer using a credit card over cash? Do you carry a balance each month or pay it off? How do you feel about opening new accounts?
- Do you currently have any money saved? How much? What is your current saving plan? How much would you ideally like to have saved as a couple?
- What do you usually spend your “fun money” on? Do you like to spend your money on items or experiences? How much do you like to spend on vacations?
- What is the maximum amount one spouse can spend without consulting the other? When consulted, does the other spouse have to agree to the purchase before it can be made?
- What are your current investment and retirement saving strategies? How, if at all, do you hope to change those strategies in the future? Who will be in charge of investment or retirement savings when you are married?
- How do you feel about your current employment? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Do you plan on going back to school?
- How much time will each of you spend working a week? What hours during the day will you typically work? If one of you doesn’t want to work, under what circumstance, if any, would that be ok?
- What does your ideal sex life look like? How often are you having sex? How will you handle it when your levels of desire are unequal?
- Will you eat meals together each night? Who is responsible for grocery shopping? Who will prepare the meals? Who will clean up?
- What place do your relatives, including in-laws, play in your everyday life? How often do you visit or socialize with relatives? Will you ask out-of-town relatives to visit for extended periods? How often?
- How will you care for your parents as they age? How much money are you willing to spend for the care of your parents?
- Do you currently accept money from your parents? Are you open to accepting money from your parents in the future?
- If a family member fell on hard times, would you help out financially? Up to what amount? Would you loan the money or give it as a gift?
- Do you want children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to you? To what lengths are you willing to go if you have challenges getting pregnant? What other family expansion options are you open to?
- How will having children change the way you currently live? Will you change your work schedule? Will one of you be more responsible for maintaining the household while the other works?
- Do you want your children to go to public or private school? Do you plan on paying for your children’s education? If so, for how long?
- Are you satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends you currently have? Would you like to be more or less socially involved? What are your needs for maintaining friendships outside of your marriage?
- What are your religious or spiritual beliefs? How important are those beliefs to you? Do you share common beliefs with each other? If not, can you support the other’s beliefs and practices? How will you share your religious or spiritual beliefs with your children? Do you want them raised in a particular religious community?
- What is your biggest fear about getting married? What is your biggest fear about how the other will act? Do you think each of you is ready for marriage?
- Is there anything you have been afraid to tell the other? How can he or she make you feel more comfortable so you can share? How do you like to be treated when you are upset or angry? How do you act when you are upset or angry?
- If one of you feels it’s needed, would you be open to a relationship or financial counseling?
If you’d like to discuss your financial rights as it relates to getting married, including the possibility of a prenuptial agreement, schedule your free consultation today. I’m happy to talk about your rights as an individual and married person. My affordable prenup agreements are flat-fee and will help ensure your assets are protected.
You can also learn more about why I think everyone should have a prenup.
This website includes information about legal issues and legal developments. Such materials are for informational purposes only and may not reflect the most current legal developments. These informational materials are not intended, and should not be taken, as legal advice on any particular set of facts or circumstances. You should contact an attorney for advice on specific legal problems.
Lauren Lester is an affordable family law, estate planning, and probate lawyer licensed in Colorado.